


Revelations: 14:3-10:5 (An Ineffable Love Story)

by Whoareyou0000



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angel/Demon Relationship, Angry Birds, Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Aziraphale Is Trying (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale Takes Care of Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale Whump (Good Omens), Aziraphale is Bad at Feelings (Good Omens), Aziraphale is a Mess (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Takes Care of Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Communicating (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Flirting (Good Omens), Crowley is Whipped (Good Omens), Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), Drunk Crowley (Good Omens), Drunk Texting, Fluff and Humor, Grey-Asexual Crowley (Good Omens), Hurt Aziraphale (Good Omens), M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Aziraphale (Good Omens), Soft Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27751291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whoareyou0000/pseuds/Whoareyou0000
Summary: Crowley teaches Aziraphale to use a smart phone as a way to keep him safe from the Archangels. Through a series of witty and heartfelt text conversations, the demon and angel reach a revelation about themselves and their relationship.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 81





	Revelations: 14:3-10:5 (An Ineffable Love Story)

**Sun. 14, Mar**

(10:57a)  
RING ME, CROWLEY.

(10:58)  
_Is something the matter, Angel?_

(10:59)  
TICKETY BOO, I JUST CAN’T SEEM TO FIND THE TELEPHONE BUTTON.

(11:00)  
_I gave you the cell so that we could text, not ring. It’s less conspicuous._

(11:01)  
WELL, I DON’T CARE FOR IT. IT'S MUCH NICER TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.

(11:02)  
_And yours, Angel. Must be careful, though. Don’t want to alert the feathery arseholes or the decomposing knobheads down under._

(11:02)  
YES, INDEED. HOW DO I MAKE THE LETTERS LOWERCASE ON THIS DEVICE?

(11:03)  
_The arrow on the left side._

(11:05)  
:$:&:

(11:06)  
_Erm…the arrow, not the numbers._

(11:07)  
Right, do think I’ve got it. 

(11:08)  
_Well done, love._

(11:09)  
Yes, thank you. Do you have plans for today, dear? 

(11:10)  
_Thought I’d ask my mate to go for a nibble. If he’s not engaged, that is._

(11:14)  
Oh, yes of course. Pip Pip, then. Do write to me later. 

(11:15)  
_….I was referring to you, Angel._

(11:17)  
_Would you like to join me for crepes? I’ve freed a table at La Petite Bretagne._

(11:18)  
Why yes! That sounds scrumptious. 

(11:20)  
Are you sure you don’t wish to invite another friend along?

(11:21)  
_I’m a demon, Angel. I have no other friends, nor do I want any. It’ll be you and I, as always._

(11:23)  
Well that will be quite nice! I dare say, some of my favorite moments are spent just you and I.

(11:24)  
_Mine as well, love._

**Tues. 16, Mar**

(6:00a)  
Would you say that I am a…Quentin Coldwater?

(6:02)  
_It’s 6 in the morning, Angel. I don’t know my arse from my dangly bits this early._

(6:03)  
Yes, right. Sorry. I’ll ask again later.

(6:05)  
_…What’s a bloody Quentin Coldwater?_

(6:06)  
I don’t quite know. I was researching my magic tricks and then my phone asked me some questions and now I’m apparently a Quentin Coldwater. 

(6:11)  
_It seems this Quentin is a character who goes to Uni to learn magic in a story called The Magicians._

(6:12)  
Oh, my. That sounds fascinating. Is this story in a book?

(6:13)  
_Yes, love._

(6:13)  
Well, then I must read it to find out if I truly am this Quentin person. 

(6:15)  
_Check outside your entryway._

(6:18)  
Oh my, there are so many books! Must get started right away if I’m to finish by tea time. 

(6:19)  
_Happy reading, Angel. Wake me when you’ve finished._

**Fri. 19, Mar**

(1:16p)  
I may be away for a day or two. Would you be so kind as to mind the shop?

(1:20)  
_Very well then. Where’re you off to?_

(1:21)  
Well, uh, upstairs, I’m afraid.

(1:22)  
_I’m on my way. Stall if you must._

(1:23)  
Don’t, Crowley. Gabriel is waiting. 

(1:24)  
_He can’t just take you against your will, Aziraphale. I’m coming over._

(1:27)  
It’s not against my will. It is my duty to report annually. 

(1:28)  
_Your duty? Oh, now I feel much better._

(1:29)  
If I comply, then it will only take a day or two. Just mind the shop for me, would you?

(1:30)  
_Comply? Yes, that certainly sounds consensual._

(1:30)  
_If they touch you, I’ll start WWIII myself._

(1:31)  
They’re afraid of me after our stunt, remember? I assure you they won’t cause me harm.

(1:33)  
Please, Crowley. Please let it be. 

(1:34)  
_Angel, are you quite sure you’ll be alright?_

(1:35)  
Yes, dear. I’m quite sure. When I get back, we’ll have a cuppa and listen to that beebop group you’ve been on about. 

(1:36)  
_Okay, love, if you insist. I’ll keep the kettle warm._

(1:38)  
_And only you would call ‘The Who’ beebop._

**Thurs. 25, Mar**

(3:23p)  
Look at these lovely flowers that have grown in my garden! 

[photo attached]

(3:25)  
_Daffodils. I planted them last season. They’ve bloomed nicely._

(3:26)  
You planted flowers in my garden? Without telling me? 

(3:27)  
_Yes, well they call that a surprise, Angel. Thought you might enjoy a bit of scenery._

(3:29)  
Oh, Crowley. They are quite striking and so yellow.

(3:30)  
_You did mention that yellow brought you happiness._

(3:32)  
It certainly has! Thank you, darling.

(3:34)  
Oh, dear. That’s unfortunate.

(3:35)  
_What’s happened?_

(3:36)  
Well, one of the daffodils had a fluffy little bee hiding inside. Beautiful creature. My fault for disturbing her during her meal. 

(3:37)  
_You’ve been stung, have you?_

(3:39)  
Well…yes...on my finger. It’s quite red and oh…throbby. 

(3:40)  
_Put ice on it, love. I’ll pop over._

(3:41)  
So sorry, darling. I do still love the flowers. 

(3:42)  
_I know, Angel. You’re quite welcome._

**Wed. 31, Mar**

(9:07p)  
_Aziraphale, are you alright?_

(9:10)  
Oh, yes Crowley. Tickety Boo. Why do you ask?

(9:11)  
_I've not heard from you all day._

(9:13)  
Oh, my apologies darling. I’ve been slightly tied up I’m afraid. 

(9:14)  
_Something Heaven related? Shall I pop by?_

(9:15)  
No, nothing of that sort. 

(9:16)  
_Right, then. Jolly good._

(9:18)  
_Shall I still pop by?_

(9:20)  
If you’d like, dear. No need, of course. 

(9:25)  
_Have I cocked up again?_

(9:27)  
Not at all. Why do you ask?

(9:28)  
_You’re awfully quiet. You’re certain you’re not miffed at me?_

(9:29)  
Quite certain. I’ve simply…well I’m playing this strange game involving the throwing of pigs. It’s rather engaging, though I feel awful for the pigs. 

(9:30)  
_Ah, yes. I finished it awhile back. Tricky one it is._

(9:31)  
Oh, good! I’m rather stuck on this particular obstacle. There simply aren’t enough pigs to be thrown. Care to pop over and help?

(9:32)  
_Already on my way, Angel._

(9:32)  
Splendid! I’ll put the kettle on.

**Tues. 6, Apr**

(10:37p)  
_Azi, are you therrre_

(10:39)  
Crowley, are you quite alright?

(10:40)  
_Yes, Angel. Er…jolly good that is. Just thinkking abut your eyes. Sooo blue._

(10:41)  
Erm…well…yes I suppose they are.

(10:42)  
_And yourr hair. Like bloody cotton. Loooks so soft._

(10:43)  
It’s rather a nuisance. Sticks up in all the wrong places. 

(10:45)  
_Isss perfect…can I touch it? If it’s not a bother, that is. Would never want to hurt youu. Would smite anyone whoo did. Anything for you Angel._

(10:48)  
Crowley, are you pissed?

(10:49)  
_I’ve only had a feww_

(10:50)  
glasses or bottles?

(10:51)  
_Erm…_

(10:52)  
Right, then. I’ll pop over and join you. 

(10:57)  
_Maay I touch your hair then?_

(11:00)  
Yes…just…nicely. 

(11:01)  
_Wouldn’t dream ofany other way_

**Sat. 9, Apr**

(1:37a)  
Crowley, are you awake?

(1:40)  
I suppose not. It’s terribly late. So sorry. 

(1:45)  
I’ve just been wondering…what are we to each other?

(1:46)  
I enjoy your company immensely. Sleeping beside you the other night was heavenly. I didn’t mind you touching my hair at all, in fact I found it rather pleasant. My more discreet bits, though, I think I’d rather keep to myself. 

(1:50)  
Nothing against you, of course. You are quite fetching, really lovely to gaze upon. I simply don’t wish that sort of interaction with anyone. Oh, it’s all rather confusing, I suppose. 

(2:03)  
Oh dear, I’ve gone and made this awkward, haven’t I? So sorry. Is there a way to erase these letters? 

(2:05)  
If not, would you kindly be a gentleman and forget I said anything? I’d hate to lose my best friend. 

**........**

**........**

**........**

(8:59a)  
_So sorry, love. Are you there? Was so knackered I slept straight through._

(9:03)  
_Right, then. Best just pour my evil heart out and hope you’re listening...er...reading._

(9:04)  
_First off, Angel, you’ll never lose me. If the bloody apocalypse couldn’t separate us, then I do believe nothing will._

(9:05)  
_Secondly, you’ve no reason to apologize. I've had the same sort of tingly feelings for you for some time. We can call ourselves whatever you’d like- mates, partners, companions. As long as I may remain beside you I'll be quite content._

(9:07)  
_Lastly, click on this link. The information might help to clear things up a bit._

(9:17)  
Oh, my. Asexual? Is this accurate? It sounds like me.

(9:18)  
_Yes, Angel, it’s true and completely valid. Just like you._

(9:19)  
Oh. I always thought there was something not quite right about me. I really did try to fix it. 

(9:20)  
_There is nothing wrong with you, Aziraphale. Nothing to fix. You are lovable as is and you needn’t change for me or anyone._

(9:22)  
What does that mean for us, then? If I am…asexual. 

(9:23)  
_It means that we’re a delightful, nauseating, sappy asexual couple. If that’s what you’d like._

(9:26)  
And you could be…satisfied…with me this way? 

(9:27)  
_Aziraphale, I’ve spent hundreds of years by your side. I’m quite sure that no one else could make me as happy._

(9:29)  
_Besides, I’m Grey-asexual. It means that while I may take part in physical intimacy when the mood is right, I certainly do not need it to be satisfied._

(9:30)  
Oh. Well that’s lovely, Crowley. Thank you for being honest with me. I do so enjoy learning about you.

(9:31)  
_Thank you for telling me how you feel, love. I know that must have been worrisome for you._

(9:33)  
Maybe you could pop over? It seems we have much to discuss. 

(9:34)  
_Absolutely, Angel. Prep the biscuits. I’m already on my way._

**Mon. 10, May**

(10:25p)  
_Angel?_

(10:27)  
I’m lying right beside you in our bed. No need to write, darling. 

(10:28)  
_Yes, of course. I just thought I’d practice in this format first._

(10:29)  
Practice?

(10:31)  
_I love you, my angel. I’ll always love you, ineffably. I’ll always protect you, take care of you, and I’d really very much like it if we could…be husbands._

(10:33)  
Why yes, Crowley! Yes. Always yes. Oh, I would very much love to be your husband. 

(10:34)  
_Jolly good. Put your phone down, love. I have a proper question to ask you and it’ll require your finger._

**Author's Note:**

> ...I'm in the middle of writing another fic and suddenly I had to teach Aziraphale how to use the internet. This followed...
> 
> Disclaimer: Good Omens is not mine. Quentin Coldwater is a character in the book series, The Magicians. Angry Birds is a game and also not mine. The Who is a wicked band. I think I covered everything...


End file.
